A Mother's Frustration

Joshua — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 09:44:30 +0000

I’ve asked for a 7 day leave from the office because I’m really burnt out already and I’m glad that it was easily granted. I wanted to rest and relax and put my worries all away. I wanted to serve and take care of my family and have real quality time with them. Well, that was my plan but it did not happen. I was sick for most of the days. I’ve lain in bed and stayed far away from my daughter. I was looking forward to fun-filled days with her but my sickness robbed me off of that. Instead of cooking for my husband and attending to his needs, he was the one who took care of me. He even cooked for us almost every day. I felt guilty and useless and above all helpless. I wanted to return the favor because ever since we got married, he was the one always looking after me but my bad health did not grant me that opportunity. Hubby didn’t mind that he was the one who took charge in handling the household but I felt really bad, rotten actually.

I remember one day when our nanny was on a day-off and hubby and I were left alone to care for our baby girl, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how my nanny holds her in her bathtub so she would keep still while she’s bathing, I didn’t know where to find her play clothes, I didn’t know what position she likes best when drinking milk, I didn’t know how to put her to sleep and I didn’t know that my 8th month old daughter can already play on her own in her crib. She’s growing up so fast and I felt like I’ve missed all of her important milestones because of my being an absentee mom. My time is consumed with my work and more often than not if it’s my day of rest, I’m sick. That’s what fueled the urgent desire to be with my daughter more. I want to be close to her. I want to capture all her little achievements not just in pictures but in my memory. I want it all to be forever etched in my mind and heart. But I wasn’t given that chance. With the way our company is now, the probability that I’ll be given a vacation leave this long again is nil. I just hope that my daughter knows that she’s my life and my reason for breathing and living even if I’m not always by her side. I’m just so darn frustrated!

On a lighter note, here are the snapshots of hubby’s venture in cooking. It all tasted oh so good! Beginners luck, I guess, ha! ha!

: Cabbage Rolls in Red Sauce

: Puchero in Caldero

Pork Sinigang

He also cooked potato puree to match my mom in law’s steak with baked beans and yesterday we had Chicken con Repollo and Patatas but I wasn’t feeling well when he cooked these that’s why I can’t share the photos with you.

A Chronicler's Life » mommy blues

A Mother's Frustration