Last Monday, I’ve rushed to the hospital’s emergency room because of excruciating pain on my back. I can’t bend it even for just getting something from the refrigerator without screaming because of too much pain. I went there with my sister in law Rotchelle at 11 am and came out still very much sore at 7 pm. I will never go back to that lousy hospital ever again. Let’s not just mention the real name of the pathetic excuse for a hospital, let’s hide it under the name of ST. LUKE’S MEDICAL CENTER. It did not occur to me that I’ll be treated that way because they are rather famous and very much advanced when it comes to medical technology. You see, I work for the leading telecommunications network in the country and this hospital happens to be accredited by our company. Meaning, everything would be free, from my lab work ups to medicines. Everything is gratis. At least it seemed that way because I did not pay a single cent but of course my employer would be the one to shoulder all the expenses. Since I’m done with my second bout of medication for UTI also, I’ve mentioned to them that I still got the symptoms like the urge to pass urine frequently, pain in the lower back, cramping in the lower abdomen, joint pain etc. They asked me what medications I took and if I was relieved by it before feeling the symptoms of UTI again. They’ve asked me 101 questions and I answered it all even if I was grimacing with pain. They’ve inquired also if I’m pregnant or suspecting that I could be pregnant because of the meds that they would administer if ever and I said No. They said how I can be so sure; I told them to just trust me. And they said No we can’t risk that. With an exasperated sigh, I threw my hands up in the air and told them “Okay, what do I have to do for you to be convinced that I’m not pregnant?” So to cut the story short, I took the Beta HCG test. They’ll get around 10 cc of your blood and test it for HCG. The hormone that is very predominant when you are pregnant. The MT left a very beautiful rainbow colored mark on my upper right arm called HEMATOMA.
After which, I’ve submitted another urine sample for urinalysis. They told me that the Beta HCG would take around 2 to 3 hours and we were like “Whoa!” But we don’t have much choice because I’m in real pain. In the meantime they’ve given me a wonder drug to alleviate the ache, BIOGESIC. Okay, I know that they think I’m pregnant but hey can’t they give me a better drug? So without offering me if I wanted to lie down because of my sore back, I’ve endured the 3 hellish hours sitting in a hard mono block like chair without any cushion for my aching back. By 2 pm a different doctor, male this time came out and was holding a clipboard with my supposed test results but it was empty. He was smiling ever so widely when he told me that they didn’t know that somebody was ahead of me when they did the testing that’s why the results that he has wasn’t intended for me but for the lucky gal whose blood got tested first. He asked me if I could wait for another 2 hours. I nearly screamed at him but I kept my composure and said okay we’ll just take our late lunch then and just come back. We dined at Delifrance. I had lasagna and Rotch had peach custard croissant. I was just on the eighth part of my lasagna when my stomach felt queasy. I’ve asked my sister in law to get some water for me and she unknowingly got the restaurant’s lemon water. I immediately drank it and spat the rest of it in Rotch’s glass because it tasted like detergent with lemon scent. I understand that lemon water is refreshing but please don’t include the rind just the pulp because it was very bitter like soap.

We went back to the hospital after an hour and my urinalysis results came out negative for UTI already but I don’t understand why I still have the symptoms. Another hour had passed and we still don’t have the Beta HCG results. The staff nurse said that she’ll follow it up and 5 minutes after another doctor whose face wasn’t at all familiar to me came out with that same plastered smile as the other doctor and said the magic words that I so long to hear “Our machine broke down.” I was about to leap for joy when I’ve realized what she has just said. I couldn’t find the right words to say so I decided to keep mum. She said that we need to wait for another 2 hours. And I was like sure “Can you please get a knife and stab me so that I’ll stop hurting already?” “Can you be any slower?” I’ve drawn my deepest breath and said OK, though everything wasn’t okay. Every fiber of my being was yelping of pain but they can’t even give me a better option than to sit down and wait for my death. And mind you the A/C was blowing icicles and freezing my entire body, I nearly had a frost bite. Good thing that I brought my favorite jacket with me. So 2 hours passed ever so slowly and we were ecstatic to finally know the results. And I was thinking that there might be a divine intervention that my blood test for pregnancy came out positive and it would be the second Immaculate Conception recorded in history. NOT! The female doctor came out again and said that she’s got both good and bad news. The bad news was that the machine was still broken and that the good news was that I won’t have to wait for two hours anymore once the machine gets fixed, just 40 minutes. Wow, greatest news ever! There were tears in my eyes because of so much joy. I just couldn’t contain my happiness so I blurted out “Oh, sure of course please take all the time that you need in order for you to get my bloody test results. I think I still have 24 hours to live, so another hour or two spent waiting wouldn’t hurt anymore.” So finally come 7: 30 we were finally out of that hell hole already. And I have with me the most precious test result and of course it turned out negative. Had they listened to me that I wasn’t pregnant and just let me sign the bloody waiver then they could have more time to examine me further? I was so pissed off that when they told me that my toe-curling back pain is due to musco skeletal pain in layman’s term MUSCLE PAIN, I was too numb to utter even a croak anymore. I just snatched the paper from them and went out. I was just so relieved that I’ll be going home finally and will never ever set foot on that cursed place anymore. Did I mention that they gave me another paracetamol before going home? TYLENOL this time. So I went home with an even more sore back because of prolonged sitting and high blood pressure too. I could have just bought a packet of Biogesic and Tylenol in the local drugstore instead of wasting my time and effort in that wishy washy excuse for a hospital.

My tip for you is that if you really want the people in that hospital to fuss about you, you have to paint a picture of perfect agony on your face when you come in, try fainting too that might work and if you want to go overboard a little, try fake blood oozing out of your forehead. I think you’ll get their full attention this time.