In too deep…
I was drinking coffee outside a doughnut shop, idly thumbing through a book. It was chilly that day, but the sun was smiling down on me. My mp3 player was on and the song that was playing over and over again was Everything by Lifehouse. Our song.
We’d been friends for over a year now. It developed into something more than friendship but less than a romantic relationship. My friends warned me not to let myself get in too deep but my heart was insistent. It kept on thump-thumping when I see him or hear his voice, his laughter… I don’t regret getting in too deep. I don’t regret knowing him.
I just want the hurt to go away.
We were to meet, Sheila and I. She’s a long, lost friend. I saw her at the mall, buying her fiancé a gift. He’s coming home from a 10-month stay in China. He’s an IT guy. I helped her buy a tie for him. It was a Spongebob tie. The guy has a sense of humor, I told her. She bombarded me with a litany of the saintly qualities the guy possesses. They’ve known each other for three years now and she’s met the whole clan already. For a time, she thought they’d break apart. She sensed that the guy was seeing someone else.
The same way I felt a couple of months ago with Dean. But I vanished the thought. I told Sheila about “my guy”. We were giggling like fourteen-year-old kids. We’re both happy.
Or so I thought.
The guy called. He’s somewhere in the mall. We’re meeting him at a restaurant so we can have dinner together. I was excited to meet her fiancé. And Sheila’s excited for me to meet him.
At exactly 8:03 in the evening, my world suddenly stopped. There in the middle of the dimly-lit Spanish restaurant sat Dean. My Dean. Sheila’s Dante.
I forced a smile. He looked as shocked as me. I couldn’t remember how we’re introduced. He didn’t acknowledge me. I followed his lead. Sheila’s telling us anecdote after anecdote about how they met. I just sat near him, numb. He’s quiet the whole time, a couple of forced laughs from him and he’d retreat in his own world. He couldn’t look me in the eye. And I was stoic the whole time. Just a forced smile plastered on my face. I didn’t care if Sheila noticed. I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me right then and there.
The dinner was over in an hour. It felt like forever. I probably ate worms for all I care. I excused myself, blamed migraine to get out of that hell-hole.
I was hailing a cab, my tears running down my face, when his car stopped in front of me. I shook my head when he told me to get in. Sheila’s nowhere to be found. I got in after a couple of curses from him.
I shut him out. Whatever his excuses were, I was not interested to hear it. I didn’t plan on becoming the third party. I never intended to snatch someone else’s fiancé.
I never saw or communicated with him after that night. His explanation is slowly coming into focus on my mind. He’s undecided about Sheila. And then he met me. And he felt like he’s falling for me. He never intended for our friendship to go that far. Am I to blame then, I kept asking myself.
They’re getting married tomorrow. The invitation was inside my bag. My cellphone vibrated. Somebody texted.
But you already did.
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